A friend of mine produces horror movies, one of which is called, “There’s something out there.” However, when it comes to delivering a presentation, I beg to differ: There’s nothing “out there.” It’s all “in here.”
I was on the phone with Jolene, a woman I had worked with on her presentation skills. I had been hired to help her overcome her anxiety whenever she was asked to express herself in a meeting or in a presentation. I asked her how she was doing.
“It’s getting better,” she said.
That statement, I told her, contains the explanation for why she is anxious.
Who is this “it” I asked, “That is getting better?” Jolene’s statement suggests that anxiety is an “it” that one catches like a cold. Other people I’ve worked with will echo Jolene’s comment by saying, “I got scared” as though scared was running around the room and “got” them. Still others will say that someone in the audience “made” them anxious as though an audience member held a gun and forced the person to become anxious or else.
The key to handling our anxiety is to get in touch with reality. In reality, there is no “it” getting better. In reality, there is no “scared” trying to catch us. In reality, there is no audience “making” us nervous.
In reality, there is nothing “out there”…except what we put there. If we imagine that our audience is hostile, that hostility doesn’t exist in the audience. That thought exists in us and we find evidence to confirm it “out there.” If we imagine that the audience doesn’t like us, that thought doesn’t exist in the audience, that thought exists in us and we find evidence to confirm it. If we imagine that we won’t be able to close a sale, that thought doesn’t exist in the audience, that thought exists in us and we find evidence to confirm it.
You can see this even more clearly when calling someone on the phone. As you’re about to call, notice the thoughts that are in your head about how the other person will respond when he or she answers. Whatever thought is there is clearly your fantasy, not reality.
In reality, there is nothing between us and our audience except what we put there. I encourage people to repeat this statement many times until it becomes ingrained in their brains which is exactly how “I got scared” was implanted there in the first place.
A rut gets created in the road when many cars pass over it. Similarly, a “rut” gets created in our brains (called “neural pathways”) when we tell ourselves something over and over again. Sometimes, it only takes one such experience if the experience is sufficiently traumatic.
Anxiety is produced when fantasy trumps reality. Anxiety is created by our imaginings and our imaginings aren’t real because between us and the audience there is, in reality, nothing except what we put there.